SIX-DAY COURSE ON MARRIAGE AND LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS – THE BASICS

The simple truth is that we are not properly trained to communicate with each other. Language has certain limitations that make it difficult to properly explain ourselves to others. Then, there are those major obstacles generated by our own habitual ways of thinking and our biased perspectives. Add to this life’s stresses and it’s easy to see why we all can use some help.

Most people approach marriage with either magical expectations or with very little forethought about what a long term relationship entails. We would never fly a plane or even drive a car without training yet we don’t ask for training on how to make a marriage work. There are, in fact, some couples that go through perfunctory religious pre-marital discussions with a clergy. There is no research showing those couples beat the odds. However, there are couples whose relationship is built on a religious or spiritual core that seems to generate and support an enduring, fruitful, and harmonious existence.

Then there are those self-help books and programs offering quick and easy techniques to “spice” and “energize” your relationship. The reality is that attempting to improve a relationship requires ongoing hard work that takes place in an atmosphere of openness. Couples following the guidelines of a self-help book on their own are rarely able to create the emotional safety needed, in fact, the opposite is often true, defensiveness is increased.

This course offers something different. It recognizes the serious challenge and the complex problems of long term human relationships. It doesn’t promise marital bliss but it tries to give a new perspective that grabs your attention and encourages you to again work on the relationship, this time with some new tools.

This course doesn’t just feed you “3-easy-steps” solutions or “ground rules for a happy marriage”. It doesn’t hand you a one-size-fits-all formula. It offers an understanding of complex relationship dynamics that helps you take a novel and analytic look at how we think. It aims at permanent learning that you can use after the sixth meeting.

For new learning and change to take place, the learner needs to be open to seeing something from a new perspective. This course encourages openness by providing a safe environment where valuable information can be shared and analyzed.

The main objective of this course is to set up a framework for learning where the learner creates his own solutions.

Most programs aimed at improving relationships are not permanent because the learner is given somebody else’s solutions, whether they fit the learner’s personality and circumstances or not. This course, instead, examines how we think and communicate. It aims at creating some self-questioning in participants’ approach to relating. It looks at repetitive, frustrating patterns that block successful relationships, so we could learn from them.

We must first start by admitting how difficult it is to change – to let go of our familiar ways of thinking and communicating. It’s part of our fiber – it’s what makes us who we are. It’s like asking a right-handed person to start writing with the left hand. This course understands how difficult change can be. It respects that fact.

The facilitator is Dr. Mario Alonso . Married over 30 years and with two young adult children, he has more than 40,000 professional hours of training and experience working with individuals, couples, and groups. He has repeatedly seen and experienced how productive change can only be arrived at through genuine dialogue that takes place in a safe environment. If we focus on developing genuine dialogue, new creative and effective solutions will reveal themselves.

OUTLINE:

WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG?

FIRST DAY  8:15a.m. - 4:30p.m.
Being understood is a basic human need. A long term relationship is a double-edged sword in regards to this. On one hand, a primary relationship holds the potential to satisfy this major need, on the other hand, there’s profoundly deep frustration and isolation generated when we feel misunderstood by someone who is so close. How we handle this frustration determines much of what goes wrong in relationships.

In this first day we will identify our communication styles and how they can contribute to serious relationship problems. We will discuss the effect of personality differences and the process of how they become irreconcilable. Are differences between men and women truly to blame? What effects do finances, career, children, in-laws, and other such factors have?

We need to know what’s not working before we can fix it.

WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT?

Second Day   8:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
Strong emotions derail rational thinking. In situations where we have much at stake, where we need to express an important point of view, our feelings can begin to speak for us in the language of defensiveness and offensiveness. We end up forgetting what we wanted in the first place. This day we will learn how to stay clear and focused during important discussions.

LEARNING TO THINK

Third Day 8:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
How we think affects how we talk, especially at critical times. In a crucial conversation with your partner, do you think alone or together? Do you know the difference? Do you know how to bring out the best in the other? How to help each other use the wisdom of common sense? We will learn to better control our thinking so it doesn’t control us.

LEARNING TO LISTEN

Fourth Day 8:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
Listening is not waiting for an opening to air our comments and opinions. In an argument, are you listening or reloading your next point? Are you holding on to your view at any cost or are you open to learning something new? Before a discussion, do you get ready to talk or to listen? This day we’ll look at listening in a new way.

FINDING YOUR VOICE

Fifth Day 8:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
This process involves listening to yourself, being authentic, and learning to choose what to say. The desired result is the development of a level of self-trust that allows for speaking, without knowing in advance what you are going to voice. Some of this sounds contradictory. This day we’ll make sense of it.

LEARNING TO DIALOGUE

Sixth Day 8:15 a.m.-12:30 p.m.
We will learn how to put all the new tools together. Now we can talk about “marriage tips” and “keys to a happy relationship” because we have a context wherein simple, yet wise, common sense advice makes sense and can be integrated. We have learned to read music, now we can choose which instruments to play in tune with each other.

 

SCHEDULING INFORMATION:

The six meetings take place over a period of six weeks. They are planned for Saturdays but the group may decide to have evening meetings as well. The course will aim to have ten to fourteen individuals. Please call Kim Grube, Training Coordinator, (610-437-2277) for directions and scheduling information.

COST:

Tuition is $499 per couple. This includes course materials. The cost of optional recommended books is not included. Payment is made in advance. An optional credit card plan is available. Under this plan, your payments are spread out and automatically billed over three months.

Tuition is fully refunded for cancellations made 10 days prior to the start of the course. A $50 charge is assessed for cancellations made with less notice.

For more information or to register, please contact Kim Grube (610-437-2277).